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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28054272">broken things are meant to be fixed</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloomyeji/pseuds/gloomyeji'>gloomyeji</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Complicated Relationships, Guilt, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Regret, Vacation, jeno fucks up and regrets it, noren are in rome, side markhyuck!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:22:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,280</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28054272</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloomyeji/pseuds/gloomyeji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeno and Renjun are on vacation, and things get complicated. Jeno sort of walks out and he regrets it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>128</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>broken things are meant to be fixed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i wrote this in a whim. forgive me for any typos and grammatical errors, i don't really proof read lmao. exams suck, but hey, at least it got me to write something. enjoy!</p><p>here are the songs i listened to while writing:<br/>1. hate everything by golden<br/>2. hearing your voice by omar apollo<br/>3. because i love you by yoo jae ha<br/>4. my everything by nct u (mostly this)<br/>5. day &amp; night by jung seung hwan</p><p>really recommend you to listen to them by order :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The phone conversation Jeno had with his best friend is ingrained in his brain as he leaves the broad boulevards lined with shops and glittery signs. Time winds rather quickly and Jeno is having a hard time keeping up. He swears it was only nearing the evening when he found himself pondering his <em>faults</em> at a convenience store's parking lot — for four hours.</p><p>He unlocks his phone to catch the numbers <b>22:20 </b>glaring at him. Jeno curses under his breath. <em>Great,</em> and he's turned into an even bigger asshole, or so he thinks. He turns onto narrower and narrower streets, clutching stronger on the steering wheel as the slight fizz in his head strains his focus.</p><p>The night started with a little liquor as an attempt to forget the dispute that occurred back in the hotel. They are on a vacation for God's sake. Jeno spent more than a couple thousand to afford a flight to the magnificent Rome, book a suite larger than the flat <em>they </em>own back home, and arrange exclusive tours — one, which they were supposed to attend tonight. They were supposed to enjoy it. <em>Renjun was supposed to enjoy it.</em></p><p>Jeno didn't know what he did wrong. This whole trip — <em>everything </em>was for Renjun. He's devoted and has planned every single detail to perfection. He was unswerving that his boyfriend would love it. During those times, Jeno had spent his busy hours in the office daydreaming of kissing Renjun amongst crowds in St. Peter's Square, yet here he is, in a rental sports car with an empty passenger's seat.</p><p>Albeit, he has to give it to Donghyuck. If his best friend hadn't sacrificed forty minutes of his date with Minyung and picked up his call, he would've remained unmoving in that damned parking lot. The possibility of being wasted is extremely high as it is to fucking up even more. Luckily, Donghyuck saved him just in time.</p><p>
  <em>"I don't want to pick up but you surely never call unless it's something very huge or— very bad, so tell me, which one is it?"</em>
</p><p>Jeno answered, Donghyuck asked him to elaborate and so he did. It began when they got back to the hotel after long hours of touring. Granted, there were wonderful sights but he couldn't hinder the fact that it was an exhausting and stifling tramp. It's the holiday season, he couldn't have expected otherwise. Jeno recalls immediately leaping onto the king sized bed and Renjun settling quietly beside him. Renjun had a soft smile on display the entire time they were engaged in a conversation, Jeno thought he was endearing.</p><p>However, it took quite the turn when he mentioned about attending an exhibition, followed by a luxury dinner. He didn't miss how Renjun's visage was crestfallen, mouth neatly pursed into one thin line.</p><p>
  <em>"What's wrong? You don't look excited.."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Nothing, that's great I just.." Renjun murmured on his side while tracing shapes on Jeno's wrist. "I was just hoping we could stay in the hotel, order some food and have some wine.."</em>
</p><p>Thinking of it, his reply did sound irritating.</p><p>
  <em>Jeno laughed, "Baby, we can always do that back home,"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Renjun's mouth flew open briefly but closed it afterwards, his eyes cast at the ceiling. His fingers stopped tracing. "Yeah, sure. Guess I'm just not in the mood to go out again."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"C'mon Jun, I'm tired too but let's not miss tonight alright?"</em>
</p><p>Renjun was silent for some time. Jeno kept pestering him, trying to lift the latter's mood. Of course, it didn't work, Jeno had no idea what the real problem was. He couldn't fix something he had no knowledge of.</p><p>
  <em>"Why can't we just stay in? We've been out the entire day, aren't you tired?" Renjun's voice showed irritation and exasperation.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jeno was slightly taken aback. "I'm doing it for you, I want you to have a full-on experience.."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You never asked what I want," muttered Renjun.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I thought what's best for you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That's ironic. You barely pay attention."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Where is this coming from Jun?" Jeno scoffed, sitting up. "Are you mad at me? If I did something that upset you, tell me, that's how relationships work."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The thing that erupted from Renjun's throat was a peal of very, very sarcastic laughter. He sat up to match Jeno's heated gaze, there was a grenade at the tip of his tongue but Renjun chose to swallow. "I'm just not in the mood."</em>
</p><p>They went back and forth. Mostly Jeno persuading and Renjun plainly deciding against everything the other said. Or at least that's what Jeno believed. Unknowingly, there was a slip of Jeno's promise to attend <em>his director's </em>exhibition and boy, the argument truly enhanced afterward.</p><p>
  <em>“So this is what it’s all about? Work?”</em>
</p><p>For as long as Jeno remembers, Renjun loves art. And his director just happens to be holding an exhibition while they're in Rome. He wouldn't have promised his director to come if he hadn't thought the exhibition would make Renjun's eyes twinkle. Unfortunately, that wasn't the explanation that he managed to utter — in fact, no explanation surfaced at all.</p><p>Jeno, four hours ago, thought his boyfriend was being a complete, ungrateful arse. When their voices rose above the walls and unreasonable things started spilling out, Jeno chose to storm out. He doesn't vividly remember the look on Renjun's face when he walked out. He <em>could</em> if he wants to, but he doesn't. Jeno left when they're supposed to right their wrongs. Jeno left when Renjun stayed.</p><p>It took him four long hours to realize how fucked up that is.</p><p>
  <em>Donghyuck's sigh on the other line made it easy to picture him pinching the bridge of his nose, "You truly have no clue, do you?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jeno sat quietly on his seat, occasionally toying the beer in his hand, thinking, how on earth does it sound like he’s the one at fault?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Why'd you think he agreed on going on this trip?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"...Because it's the Caput Mundi, the City of Seven Hills, it's fucking Rome Hyuck," Jeno stated the obvious. "They filmed Eat, Pray, Love here, who isn't thrilled to go to Rome?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Another sigh meant his answer was incorrect. How could it be wrong?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Jeno, think about the past weeks before you flew to Rome.."</em>
</p><p>Jeno relented and thought. They consisted of tons of additional workloads and being stuck in meetings for hours. Unsatisfied clients, unsatisfied companies, which lead to countless revisions to the point where it drove him insane. He doesn't remember the last time his cheek meets the bed, the only thing it touched was the cold surface of his keyboard.</p><p>Any person in his shoes would've fainted somewhere along the way. But not Hyuck. Never Donghyuck.</p><p>It had been one of those nights where the whole building is empty, and he and Donghyuck were the only ones left, Jeno recalls. He had thrown his hands up, stretching his limbs while he slouched on the uncomfortable seat, heavy sockets under his eyes more palpable than ever. Donghyuck had a similar look on his face, but he was different. He was gleaming. ("Why do you look so excited?") ("We're going home dude, why wouldn't I?").</p><p>At first, Jeno thought Donghyuck might just be content to get some sleep after almost thirty-six hours of feeding his system with caffeine. ("An eight-hour sleep isn't going to make up for the last thirty-six hours,") he had teased. To which Donghyuck answered with a knowing hum, ("I know, but Minhyung will.").</p><p>Jeno didn't get what Donghyuck meant that day.</p><p>
  <em>"Renjun comes over to our place often y'know? He never said anything but Minyung and I were worried, so we forced it out of him. And we waited.. we waited for you to tell us but you never did.."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was a long a pause. Jeno has no clue where this was going, but he felt unprepared. Thus, he took a big chug from his beer.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jeno heard shuffling from the other line before Donghyuck asked, "Jen, why didn't you tell me that you and Renjun weren't talking?"</em>
</p><p>It didn't hit him then but it sure hits him now. Rushing in like a train knocking on the side of his head. Jeno sees clearly for the first time in weeks. He shouldn't have thought of the last time he slept on a bed, he should have thought of the last time he went to bed with Renjun by his side. The last time he had woken up and they're still on the same bed. The last time he had watched Renjun cook him breakfast in an oversized t-shirt (Jeno's t-shirt) and boxers. The last time he had taken Renjun on a date or cuddled him during a movie night.</p><p>The last time their kisses were more than brief pecks. The last time Jeno had taken the time to tell Renjun how much he means to him.</p><p>How could he be <em>so</em> blind? Of course, Renjun had agreed to the trip because he gets to have Jeno to himself for two weeks. Of course, it was written all over his face when he said yes. How could have Jeno not seen it?</p><p>Chewing on his lip, Jeno pulls out his phone to check the unseen messages from his boyfriend. How his stomach knots with guilt.</p><p>
  <b> <em>jun &lt;3</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>where are you</em> </b><br/>
<em>18:15 PM</em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>jun &lt;3</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>i hate where we left off</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>let's talk..</em> </b><br/>
<em>18:20 PM</em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>jun &lt;3</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>why did u turn off your phone?</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>jeno please</em> </b><br/>
<em>18:31 PM</em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>jun &lt;3</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>i'm worried</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>i wanna talk it out</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>i really do so please.. don't walk out again</em> </b><br/>
<em>19:01 PM</em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>jun &lt;3</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>jen</em> </b><br/>
<em>19:25 PM</em>
</p><p>Jeno has his notifications off, he didn't even bother to check. He feels horrible, he had been so centered on his career, he's put a strain on their relationship. Let alone considered how Renjun feels about having a ghost-like boyfriend.</p><p>Jeno learned many years ago that Renjun is emotional when it comes to romance. He knows how conscious the brown haired boy could be, needing constant reminders and reassurances to make him feel loved and Jeno used to shower him with every last bit of his love. Now that he lacks giving a certain amount of affection, Renjun must've felt lonely going to sleep with a cold and empty space every night.</p><p>Jeno's grip tightens around the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white while stepping onto the pedal further. The road isn't visible by now, his vision blurred by the apparition of Renjun's face. He has to get back now. He needs to. Scripted apologies and sweet gestures are in the furthest depth of his head, all he wants to do is to embrace Renjun as if he were to disappear. Maybe because he's afraid that his lover would.</p><p>By the time the car halts in the hotel's parking lot, Jeno's heart pounds loudly against his chest. He hastily unbuckles his seatbelt and jumps out of the car, jogging inside. Jeno can't give two fucks about the look the receptionist throws at him for looking a disaster. His shirt wrinkled, blue locks disheveled and unevenly parted — those things won't matter once he has Renjun in his arms.</p><p>With growing guilt and regret inside of him, Jeno endeavors to pull himself together and inserts the key to their suite. The yellow glow in the entrance welcomes him. The silence is deafening, Jeno hates it. He slips out of his converse and places his car keys on the counter table before walking further into the darkness, sauntering past the bedroom where he sights Renjun curled on the sofa.</p><p>Jeno swears his knees buckle when he sees Renjun's sleeping frame. Renjun looks so small, arms shielding his body from the cold and knees tucked to his chest. Jeno steps closer, he avows his gaze over his boyfriend's serene side profile, lips parting into a soft sigh<em>. </em>It's difficult to tell at this time of day, but the stains of tears on Renjun's rosy cheeks don't go unnoticed.</p><p>Jeno's heart shatters when he sees that.</p><p>He feels his eyes water as he tries to fit in between Renjun's body and the sofa. And Jeno does what he wanted earlier, hug his boyfriend as if he would disappear. When his hand finds the cusp of Renjun's waist, he is reminded of what home actually feels like. Jeno closes his eyes and truly breathes for the first time in hours, the scent of Renjun's vanilla shampoo makes him light-headed.</p><p>Renjun, who hasn't completely slumbered, stiffens, confused and overwhelmed at the same time. Because one; Jeno hasn't replied to his texts since he stormed out and two; they haven'tbeen <em>really </em>talking before any of this happened. The fight that occurred was a boutade of their underlying feelings, small issues they've swept under the rug for a long time. It's only a matter of time until everything twists.</p><p>Renjun lets out a tiny gasp when he feels Jeno's face falls onto the back of his shoulder. Pressing soft kisses on his bare skin while tightening his embrace. Another sharp breath elicits as the latter's fingers start clutching onto his sweater. Jeno's shaky breaths hit his neck as he trembles, holding onto Renjun as if he's the only thing left in this world.</p><p>Renjun senses his boyfriend's fear. So he stays still, petrified as well that even the slightest movement might take Jeno away from him. He lets Jeno embrace him for long enough to assure him that Jeno's laying here and holding him from behind.</p><p>Then Renjun turns in his arms, cold palms finding warm cheeks. Lidded eyes slowly scan over Jeno's appearance. He looks a mess as Renjun usually finds him passed out in the morning, he hasn't seen Jeno like this since they stepped into Rome. The smell of alcohol wafts into his nose causing an enigma twist inside of him. <em>Jeno's been drinking. </em>Jeno doesn't drink unless he thinks the world is turning against him.</p><p>"Jeno.."</p><p>Jeno shakes his head in response, one of his hands removing from a small part of Renjun's back to grasp the hand on his cheek. He opens his eyes and feels his heartbeat tripled while looking upon his lover's face. The way his eyebrows are reluctantly knotted and his forehead creased in worry — the little details that he's missed for a while now.</p><p>He almost forgets the effect Renjun has on him.</p><p>Jeno is tongue tied — a bit miserable on one side, there is only little he can do yet not much of an apology. And an apology is a very minor thing. Instead, he looks at Renjun tenderly, eyes wavering with remorse as they silently plead for forgiveness. Much to his surprise, Renjun softly runs his thumb over his cheekbone and he caves.</p><p>"Hey,"</p><p>"Hi," Was Renjun's broken reply.</p><p>Renjun has known Jeno for six years now— romantically four. He can read him like the back of his hand. There's a clog in his chest, the blue haired boy is desperately holding back a wave of tears from washing out. Jeno rarely ever cries, it's a sight Renjun hasn't gotten used to seeing.</p><p>"Jeno, why are you.."</p><p>Jeno can't answer. He doesn't really have to.</p><p>Jeno is taller. He is stronger, more athletic, often one to lend his shoulders for the brown haired boy to cry to doesn't hesitate to get physical when somebody dares to toy with the person he loves. However, staring into Renjun's gentle brown eyes, he sinks. He feels brittle and undeserving.</p><p>He loves the boy who's laying in his arms, face to face, forehead to forehead, nose to nose. He loves him more than he has loved anything in the world. He would be damned if he has to let him go. And to think he almost let Renjun slipped out of his fingertips makes him want to wail.</p><p>"Jun?"</p><p>Renjun muses at the call of his name, lips tugging upwards sadly. His hands travel to the top of Jeno's face, fingers delicately brushing against the blue haired's frizz as he studies his visage. Renjun can tell he has something to say, he has an idea of what might come out of Jeno's mouth next. He doesn't know if a bunch of <em>sorry </em>is going cut it though.</p><p>"Can I.." Jeno starts. "Can I kiss you?"</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>His grasp on Renjun's hand is growing more confident, yet his words are frail, "I want to feel you.." He pleads, deliberately leaning in closer to his boyfriend.</p><p>Being looked at so attentively suddenly makes Renjun more vulnerable than ever before. Jeno wears a fond expression, one that he has seen so many times and come to understand well. Renjun looks at him and sees Jeno. His boyfriend. The boyfriend he's sharing his life with. He feels burning at his cheeks and ears all over again, overwhelmed by the sudden sentiment swelling up in him.</p><p>Renjun's lips trembles, eyes betraying him by almost fluttering close at how close they are. Jeno places his hand on top of Renjun's hip, shyly sliding under his sweater and caressing the soft pale skin. Renjun shudders at the sudden touch. He misses this, more than ever. The way Jeno touches him puts a railing on his thoughts.</p><p>"Can I?" husks Jeno, hot breath hitting the brown haired's lips.</p><p>There isn't any choice. Renjun craves for it just as much for now. He whimpers before locking eyes with the blue haired boy and gives him a confirmation.</p><p>With that, Jeno claims Renjun's  mouth in a tender kiss. An emotional one that they desperately long for. Their eyes shut tightly and lips mold perfectly. Sparks bubbles inside Jeno's chest, he wonders how he could spend so long not tasting Renjun on his lips. It feels <em>so </em>right. Renjun feels like a field of flower and a mattress of clouds — like heaven.</p><p>Jeno grips on the brown haired woman's hips as he hardens the kiss, a myriad of emotions stirring within him. Renjun kisses back just as hard. Jeno's head spins at how good every square of Renjun's skin feels against him.</p><p>It's painful. Renjun craves Jeno's touch. He likes the way Jeno devours his mouth lovingly. But he just— can't. He doesn't want to kiss Jeno and thinks that he's kissing a ghost. <em>No, no,</em> he doesn't want that. On the other hand, the blue haired feels the other sigh into his mouth before pressing his palms lightly against his heaving chest.</p><p>"What's wrong?"</p><p>Renjun can't look him in the eye. "Nothing, I just want to take in the moment."</p><p>Jeno nods and presses a lingering kiss on Renjun's forehead before saying, "Of course, anything for you."</p><p>Renjun shifts from his previous position, Jeno adjusts after him. They end up with Renjun's head on Jeno's tucked biceps, legs on the sides of his hip and his hands playing with the silver necklace dangling on the blue haired's neck. Jeno tilts his chin downwards to get a better look at his boyfriend's profile, the lighting highlights the sculpture of his neck and collarbones, his hair has gotten a bit too long, dusting over his ears and shading his eyebrows.</p><p>It seems like the millionth time, but <em>fuck</em>, Renjun is the most beautiful person in the world. No one and nothing can convince Jeno otherwise. He lacks flaws, the boy he loves is even more beautiful on the inside, it reminds him of how his affection increases throughout the years he's known the latter. Jeno is one lucky idiot. He's foolish for taking Renjun for granted.</p><p>Jeno wants to speak his heart, he wants to tell Renjun how he thinks he's fallen in love all over again, how he means worlds to him. Importantly, how sorry he is. Yet words leave him and comes out in the form of salty water. Renjun draws him in then, hands securely holding the back of Jeno's head as the blue haired cries into his chest. Jeno doesn't sob, he just lets the tears trickle down his cheeks carelessly onto Renjun's shirt.</p><p>"I'm sorry," He croaks out. He's finally able to say it. "I'm so sorry."</p><p>Renjun bites his lips harshly, the weight on his chest tugging him even more. He has a soft heart, it's natural for him to well up when he sees someone dear to him crying.</p><p>They hold each other and cry in silence. Sniffles filling their spacious apartment. It's dark and quiet. The sky is the same color as Jeno's shirt and the moon is conspicuous outside the window. The night breeze pinches one's skin, but here in their suite, in each other's embrace, Jeno is chasing after Renjun's warmth while the latter is slowly becoming unreachable.</p><p>There's much to fix and neither know exactly where to start.</p><p>"Jun.. Jun you said you wanna talk.. can we talk?" Jeno stutters between each sniffle.</p><p>Renjun's gaze is on the ceiling. <em>I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready now. I don't know what I'm feeling.</em></p><p>"Jun?"</p><p>"Let's wait until morning." It's an excuse. But it's better than now.</p><p>Jeno doesn't protest. He nuzzles his nose into Renjun's neck and squeezes him tightly, drifting to sleep while Renjun stays awake.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><b>03.00</b>. It's strange. Jeno doesn't feel Renjun in his arms.</p><p>He forces himself up in a haste. His head swivels around the suite and there's not a single trace of Renjun. The grip in his chest tightens, it's getting harder and harder to breathe. The door to the bedroom is opened, the room is vacant. Maybe he's in the bathroom. Maybe Jeno is overreacting.</p><p>
  <em>One, two, three, four—</em>
</p><p>Maybe he should wait a bit longer.</p><p>
  <em>One hundred and twenty one, one hundred and twenty two, one hundred and twenty three—</em>
</p><p>His gaze bores at the bathroom door.</p><p>
  <em>One hundred and eighty, one hundred and eighty one, one hundred and eighty two, one hundred and—</em>
</p><p>Jeno can't take it, he flies towards the bathroom and shoves it open. The color on his face fades when he finds it empty.</p><p>Jeno doesn't understand it. <em>Why— why would— why would Renjun— </em>he can't even finish the sentence in his head. Is this the twist they had been enduring? Because Jeno feels like his world is in the process of crumbling. He can't stay here. He can't let his world fall. He needs to find Renjun.</p><p>Jeno doesn't bother to grab his car keys, he hurriedly slips into his converse and lets his feet take him down to the lobby at the fastest pace they have ever taken him. As he runs, half of his mind is trying to remember any detail that might lead to Renjun's disappearance while the other is whirring past a plethora of emotions at once.</p><p>Jeno searches through every corner the hotel provides then asks a different receptionist if she might've seen a boy that matches Renjun's description. She said that her shift had just started fifteen minutes ago and hadn't seen anyone coming out of the hotel. Jeno's eyes burns and his legs aches, oxygen is wearing thin. The last receptionist must've seen Renjun, but he's nowhere to be found.</p><p>Jeno's hands fall onto his knees, trying to catch a breath. The receptionist asks if she could give any kind of assistance, he just waves her off and runs out to the streets. Maybe Renjun is out there, somewhere. Jeno grunts as he wills his legs to run even faster. He doesn't care if he's going with no end, he doesn't care if the streets of Rome are unfamiliar and he'll end up getting lost. Maybe he is lost, but at least he has to try.</p><p>His feet pound the tarmac, with every step his lungs feel as if they're about to burst and his throat is parched. But whatever Jeno's feeling right now, can't compare to what he'd feel if Renjun's truly gone.</p><p>After an hour of aimlessly running, Jeno is bathed in sweat. His hair and clothes, slick with perspiration, clinging to his skin. He can't really tell whether the salty beads rolling down his chin are sweats or tears. He tries to fight the tiredness, but his legs betray him, he slows down. Jeno leans up against a wall and closes his eyes, his breath coming out ragged.</p><p>He hasn't spotted Renjun.</p><p>As if the gods have just given him knowledge, Jeno suddenly remembers the technology he keeps in his pocket. He extracts his phone and immediately unlocks it. A sense of relief flows through him when he sees notifications under the name 'jun &lt;3'.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>jun &lt;3</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>hey i'm going to get some fresh air</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>it might be for a while..</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>dw i'll be back in the morning</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>i love you</em> </b><br/>
<em>01:54 AM</em>
</p><p> </p><p>A breath. Renjun isn't leaving him. Renjun doesn't intend to leave him. Renjun is out to get some air and he told Jeno about it.</p><p>He grips his phone, the tears never cease, "I love you too," he murmurs under his breath. He just desperately wants to see the brown haired boy right now and tell him that.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>me</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>where are you</em> </b><br/>
<em>04:10 AM</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It doesn't even take him long to reply.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>jun &lt;3</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>oh you woke up</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>i'll be back soon so u don't have to come after me :)</em> </b><br/>
<em>04:12 AM</em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>me</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>no it's ok </em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>i'm already outside</em> </b><br/>
<em>04:12 AM</em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>jun &lt;3</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>oh?</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>um i'm at the fountain</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>the one near the restaurant we went to yesterday</em> </b><br/>
<em>04:15 AM</em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>me</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>ok</em> </b><br/>
<b> <em>wait for me</em> </b><br/>
<em>04:16 AM</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jeno knows the route to the restaurant, it's not far from the hotel. With every last strength he has running in his system, Jeno bolts to Renjun. The wind howls in his ears, more tears escape his eyes but they aren't out of sorrow. Fortunately, the trek isn't long, it's only a few minutes until he passes the restaurant.</p><p>From the lamppost across the restaurant, he spots Renjun sitting cross-legged on the fountain. The dawn hugs his frail figure and— <em>oh, he's wearing my jacket. </em>Jeno's lips curve upward unknowingly, he brushes the wetness on his cheeks with the back of his hand, and starts walking towards the fountain. Towards Renjun.</p><p>The smaller boy notices Jeno's presence from afar, slowly turning to greets his boyfriend with a weak but genuine smile. Jeno smiles even wider — Renjun is really here. However, he stands, seeing the way Jeno is limping. He's about to rush over when the blue haired latter has reached him first.</p><p>Jeno stumbles and Renjun accepts the weight in his arms, frowning at how sweaty the other is. He looks like he ran a marathon. Renjun's worry surfaces, no short walk nor short run could make a person sweat this much.</p><p>"I thought you left.." Jeno breathes on his skin, stammering into his shoulder, "I thought.. I thought you were gone Jun.. I thought you left.."</p><p>The crease on Renjun's forehead deepens, "Why would you think that?"</p><p>"You weren't there Renjun— you weren't in the bathroom, you weren't in the hotel— you weren't in every place I searched,"</p><p>Renjun swallows the thick lump in his throat and looks up to the sky, "Jeno I.. texted you,"</p><p>"I know. I didn't see, I'm sorry."</p><p>Jeno leans back to gaze at his boyfriend properly. He exhales, raising his hand to brush away Renjun's hair from his face. He pauses when it reaches his cheek and remembers the wet stains he found while the other was asleep earlier. Those stains are fresh this time. Jeno's face contorts into a painful expression.</p><p>"Did you go out because you don't wanna cry in front of me?" Jeno tries not to sound immensely poignant but there isn't a way he can sound otherwise.</p><p>Renjun is taken aback. He opens his mouth to say something, anything, but it closes right after. Renjun doesn't have the heart to tell the truth hence he knows the other will have a hard time accepting it. Albeit, Jeno would never admit it in front of him. Renjun doesn't know if he wants that.</p><p>"I just— needed air," He tries to lighten the atmosphere. But the response from Jeno is a timid, "I'm sorry."</p><p>Renjun sighs and nods his head lightly, "I know,"</p><p>"You said we'd talk in the morning.."</p><p>"I know," He mutters. "And we will."</p><p>"Why did you leave Renjun?"</p><p>"I didn't— I just needed air. I needed time to think."</p><p>"To think?"</p><p>"To think about this Jen, <em>all </em>of this," It spills out of him through exasperation. "It feels like you weren't in my life until a week ago. Even when we've spent every minute together here, and God everything is so beautiful in Rome but we've spent so much time around other people, I couldn't feel you Jen."</p><p>Renjun puts his hands on the blue haired's cheeks to meet his soul-stirring gaze. There's something with the way Renjun stares at him that Jeno can't quite decipher. Something that he feels too, but can't seem to put a finger on. It's something and it's breaking his heart.</p><p>The brown haired boy bites his bottom lip, "And the fight we had, and then you left and— and you came back and you were warm all of the sudden. You were <em>you. </em>But I wasn't used to having <em>you. </em>I'm scared Jeno. <em>You </em>were there right in front of me and I can't think. I let you back in so easily and I'm— I'm scared that <em>you're </em>temporary."</p><p>Jeno exhales. "But I'm not," then inhales.</p><p>"How could I have known that?" The other whines.</p><p>A pause.</p><p>"Give—" Jeno starts, grabbing both of Renjun's cold hands from his face. "Give me time to prove it to you."</p><p>"I don't want to lose you Renjun," Jeno cries. "I was so fucking stupid and it took me so fucking long to realize but please— please don't give up on me. I want to make it up to you, I will make it up to you, I— I don't want to lose you.."</p><p>The brown haired boy is silent for a moment, staring right into Jeno's soul, eyes glossed with tears. Jeno did run for an hour searching for him.Renjun's lips quiver and he decides, "I don't want to either."</p><p>Jeno engulfs the latter back in his embrace, Renjun latching onto him as tight. Letting out a joyous sigh, he breathes Renjun in and whispers into his hair, "I'm back. And I will come back to you again."</p><p>Hearing those words left Jeno's mouth makes Renjun's insides coil with an indescribable warmth. There's no guarantee, but maybe he <em>is</em> back. "I'm.. glad that you're back."</p><p>The sky above them begins to change, from sooty to dove gray. A sign that the sun is breaching the horizon soon. Renjun smiles and he glows. Jeno doesn't see it but he knows. "Let's go back."</p><p>"Okay, but can we stay like this just a tiny bit longer?"</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>The ambience is tender, perfected by the peeking ray that shines softly over their figures. Renjun snuggles into Jeno's damp chest as he looks out. He wears a content expression and smiling hard, cheek-to-cheek, it's starting to numb.</p><p>"I can feel you smiling."</p><p>"Shut up."</p><p>"I'm just saying it feels good."</p><p>That makes Renjun's smile turns sheepish along with the heat rising up in his face. The blue haired shifts his gaze down briefly, still smiling at his boyfriend's remark. Knowing even after four years of dating, he's still able to make Renjun blush like that, create an indescribable feeling in his chest. As if his heart is doing somersaults.</p><p>"Okay, it's getting too long let's go back."</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>They walk back to the hotel as two, hand in hand.</p><p>Renjun immediately kisses Jeno when they arrive at their suite. Jeno grins in victory and meets him halfway, pressing his lips a little eager. With eyes closed and hands wrapped around each other, they kiss, and kiss, and kiss, until air doesn't matter anymore. Until nothing matters.</p><p>Pretty feelings wield up inside. The butterflies in their stomachs remain the same since the first time they kissed, greater even. Jeno doesn't know if it's a post make-up thing or those weeks they spent being distant cause him to realize how terribly he misses his boyfriend, but Renjun's lips have never felt so good.</p><p>"I love you," Jeno confesses breathily yet in the softest way Renjun has ever heard. He swears his eyes almost burst after hearing those three words leave the blue haired's mouth. Scratch that, he feels actual tears escaping his waterlines.</p><p>"I love you so much Jun,"</p><p>It's been too long since he last heard Jeno say that to him. Long enough until the point where he barely expected the latter to utter it in the days that followed after. Renjun's emotional when it comes to romance. He's even more emotional when it comes to Jeno. Hearing the blue haired emit his love is freeing, like the cloud has parted for him.</p><p>Without even further notice, more wetness spread on his cheeks. Jeno's act turns hesitant, forehead creasing against Renjun's. However, he cradles the latter's face and deepens the kiss, making sure they don't lose contact. Jeno wants to express his concern, but Renjun bites onto his bottom lip and he's in no position to resist. His mouth burns as much as his desire.</p><p>It's not sorrow that he tastes on his boyfriend's lips, it's love. "Renjun," He manages to say between heavy kisses.</p><p>Renjun's response is to unbutton the first three buttons of Jeno's shirt. Momentarily, he stares into the blue haired eyes and demands, "Say it again,"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"I wanna hear it. Say it again."</p><p>"I love you," He blurts out.</p><p>Renjun kisses him as his fingers unbutton the fourth button, "Say it again."</p><p>"I love you Renjun,"</p><p>"Again."</p><p>Renjun's wish is Jeno's command.</p><p>"I love you," says Jeno as he chases after the brown haired's lips. Renjun doesn't let him and leans backwards while disregarding the remaining buttons.</p><p>"Aga—" Impatient, Jeno cuts him off by capturing Renjun's lips in a bruising kiss. Renjun circles his arms around the other's neck closely as they devour each other's mouth on their way to the bedroom.</p><p>Jeno kicks the door open. Smooches and breaths filling their spacious suite. Jeno's shirt has slipped off his shoulders and barely holding onto his forearms. It's frustrating how Renjun is still fully clothed but he decides to slow their pace and let it all undone once they hit the bed.</p><p>"I love you," He repeats as he gently lays Renjun on the bed, his body crawling atop.</p><p>He leaves open mouthed kisses from the brown haired's jaw down to his neck. Renjun's eyes are screwed shut, profanities falling from his lips. Jeno takes this as the chance to grab both of his arms and pin them beside his head. Renjun gasps softly, wanting to whine from the loss of contact but he meets Jeno's earnest gaze as he stares up— the world around them dissolves.</p><p>He sees everything through the latter's eyes. Desire, adoration— love. This isn't merely another night to satisfy their needs. No, Jeno doesn't want it to be. He's trying to bare with the love of his life tonight. This proves his heart is out in the open, on his sleeve, for Renjun to take as he has given his to Jeno long ago. He wants Renjun to keep a part of him forever, so if things <em>do</em> get rough, if he loses his way once again, he'll know where to return to.</p><p>This is beyond having an unfairly attractive, disheveled looking Renjun under him. When he looks down, he sees a thousand more nights, a thousand more mornings to spend with him. He's never been able to see a clear future without Renjun in the picture. And right now it's clear, Jeno curses himself to keep his shit together and make sure it stays clear for many more years.</p><p>"I love you," This time his voice is more stern, layered with determination. "I don't want to fuck up again, I'll try, but— I want you to know whatever happens, I have no limitations of loving you. You mean fucking everything to me Jun, I know that now."</p><p>Then, Renjun feels a tear hit his cheek from above. Jeno cries for the nth time today and Renjun is there to wipe them away. However, this time he smiles, not wide enough to express his feelings but enough for his lover to understand. The curve of Renjun's lips mimics the other as he slightly raises from the bed and plants a soft kiss on his lover's cheek.</p><p>"I love you Jeno," He says it back, eyes alternating between Jeno's that glistened. "Keep coming back to me."</p><p>"Always." The blue haired reassures.</p><p>As if the answer gives enough satisfaction, Renjun hums in delight, "Good, now come here." Before gripping the other by the collar and pulling him down.</p><p>Hands continue in motion to undress each other, bit by bit, as their lips slide across one another, meeting in a much more sentimental kiss. Jeno gets to show Renjun through touches full of tenderness, through whispers of sweet nothings. He has Renjun chanting his name, round after round of making love.</p><p>When the morning comes and the sunlight spills through the cracks of blinds, and the ray paints Renjun's bare back a deep orange, every worry seeps away. Renjun remains unmoved on top of him while Jeno wraps an arm tighter around the boy and smiles giddily into his hair.</p><p><em>We'll get better I promise. </em>Jeno means it.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/scrudeul">curiouscat</a>
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